Worried now...

My baby is having an operation today! Poor little thing! She won't know whats going on, why I've left her with strange folk, why they are sticking her with needles and things... gotta wait til 2.30pm til i can go and rescue her...

She's got her giraffe toy to keep her company, even though she's torn a leg and an arm off it. Going to go and get on with some wallpaper scraping, even though my head feels like a bus has hit it. Seems like now all the infection and swelling has gone, I'm left with a face full of bruising. Nice.

Roll on half 2!

Argh, my face has got worse instead of better! It cheekily got a bit better, and i thought i was on the road to recovery, but now iv developed sinusitis and it feels like my head is going to pop. Had a bad night, and now I'm sat with a cold flannel on my head, taking antibiotics, ibruprofen and paracetamol, waiting for the misery to end. Plus we have builders in the house, sawing and drilling and hammering their little socks off, so that's adding to my pounding head. PLUS the sunny weather has just kicked in and I'm hiding away. Buggeringtons!! Though, as a chucklesome bonus, the antibiotics that the Doc has prescribed are also used to treat gonorrhea, so now I'm definitely VD free!

Im now going to go and watch Volume 1 of Season five of Supernatural, and hope the lovely sight of Dean will soothe my face. Volume two is out in July. Woo!

Urgh, hate being ill. Turning into a snivelling, coughing, phlegmy person. I seem to be harbouring PVA glue in my face. Thankfully I'm at the point now where i can breathe at night,but im still coughing up globs of unspeakable green gunge, and making the most horrifically revolting noise when i sniff.

I hope you aren't eating while reading this. That would be unfortunate.

I'm going to have a little rant now.

On Saturday, i went to a park with my Dad, brother and Frankie. It was a big touristy park, that made lots of money from parking charges, overpriced tat and overpriced food. As it was a sunny day, it was quite busy, mostly with people with kids and people with dogs (some nutters had both). We had a nice time, looking at massive swans and wandering round very structured 'woodland' paths, ignoring people squealing ''oooh a sausage dog!''. Eventually we got to the gift shop (yes, a gift shop at a park....), and as i like a bit of tat, we headed in. Out of courtesy to the shop owners,but mostly because people bumble about and don't look where they are putting their feet, i picked Frankie up. After about ten mins of looking around the shop, i took something to the cashier to pay. In a rather brainy move, they had put the cashier in a sweet shop section. As i was about to put my item on the counter, the cashier chirped ''Sorry, we don't allow dogs in here!''. I literally turned my body so that Frankie (still on my arm, so she wasn't infecting any of their produce anyway) wasn't in the sweet shop section, and that was apparently fine. Moron. I think people just re-enforce rules without even knowing why. Obviously you don't want a dog in a food shop, it might not be toilet trained, plus they might slobber on the lower level shelves etc, but there was no chance of that, Frankie was on my arm, and i don't think that foot of air space between where she was allowed and where she wasn't allowed made any difference at all.
So after that, we went into another gift shop. I was good, i checked to see if there was a 'no dogs' sign. If there was, i would have respected that, but there wasn't. I checked to see if there was food products. Nope, ok there. So i picked her up and went in. After browsing the really overpriced stuff for about 10 mins, a snotty fat woman ambled over and said ''sorry, we don't allow dogs'' in a really nasty tone. Cow face. So i put down what i was looking at and walked straight out. Just lost a customer there. What annoys me is that people let their kids run around the shop, picking stuff up, and they were probably grubbier than my dog, yet that was fine, but a tiny dog not doing anything was apparently not allowed. Had i been in the right frame of mind, i would have questioned the cow face, but to be honest, if they are so stupid not to realise that they are alienating about half their customer base by being so anal, they don't really deserve my custom.

I would much rather eat in a restaurant that had people with a quiet dog at the next table, than someone with noisy kids that flinging their food everywhere and won't shut up and keep still.

At least Frankie is petrified of kids, and won't let them stroke her. I don't want them to, i don't know what diseases they have.

So anyway, rant over. I'm going to my shed now.

Ah, the heady days of December and September, when i managed 13 posts, unlike April, which has a grand total of three. Gripping stuff. My lack of postage isn't really anything to do with being busy, but is more to do with not having much to blog about. I left my job a couple of weeks ago, and since then I've been going through a kind of productive activity inertia. All I've done is veg out, go out drinking, eat food and buy crap off the net (Season 1-3 and part one of season 5 of Supernatural.... i feel a marathon coming on!). Which i can't really afford to do, being jobless with a finite amount of cash in the bank. Ho hum.

Had lots of Frankie time though, which is nice, though grotty English summer weather has kept walks to a minimum. We have this great walk that is about three miles through countryside, and when it rains it just turns to bog. And the Frankster's legs are too ickle to be wading through bog. She doesn't even like padding through a stream! Though the 'Summer' has meant the grass has sprung up, and we can play Hide the Dachshund

The trouble with spending so much time alone is that i end up inside my own head a lot and end up over-thinking things (surely not, i hear you laugh. You can shush!). Mostly it's been arguments over food (in my own head), and my desire to be a stick insect conflicting with my desire to eat food...yummy fooood.... The thing is, I'm going to a rock festival (Download baby!!) in about a month, and one part of me thinks if i eat nothing for a month, i might be a bit thinner. The other part of me thinks ''So the fuck what? If someone that would be attracted to me weighing a stone less isn't attracted to me weighing a stone more, well clearly they aren't worth it.''. Anyhoo, after much to-ing and fro-ing, I've bought my skinny black jeans (that i have to starve myself for about two months to fit into) in a larger size, plus I've bought some gorgeous floaty pixie hemmed dresses, so boo-ya extra stone!! I'm having a burger!

Other than that, I'm trying to get more jewellery made, but it's just not happening. I think it's a psychological thing more than anything, plus i just hate polishing for hours and hours, getting filthy, to get firestain off silver. Sometimes i despair at me, cuz i hate going to work, yet i won't knuckle down and work for myself.... i need to get a grip. Ok, plan for the day, get showered, get to the shop and buy groceries, take the doggie for a walk, then settle down and finish a pendant that i started, then move onto my lockets! It's a plan!

A Small Announcement

It's my birthday!!! wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Dear Lottery, Could Do With a Win....

I know I said there would be a locket picture, but clearly I'm a big porky pie liar! I've finished the locket, and taken a picture, but transferring the picture onto my netbook means I would have to turn on my PC, put the pic from my camera onto there, then put it on a USB stick, then putting on my netbook. Call me idle, but i just can't be bothered at the moment. I'll make a few more lockets and then have a group of pictures. Quite chuffed with myself that i managed to make one with a fully functioning hinge and clasp. It means I have no excuse not to take over the world with lockets!! My next project is a heart shaped one with a piece of quartz inside.

Have paid out a fortune recently getting my car roadworthy. I hate MOT and tax time. Unfortunately with this car, it has turned out that everything needs doing a couple of weeks before my birthday, so my celebrations will be financially sparse! Paid £109 to have it serviced and MOTed (it failed), then another £35 to sort out art of what was wrong with it, then £70 for two new tyres, and the bloke at the tyre place has advised that i replace the other two tyres, but i am in no way paying out another 70 quid when i don't need to. Add to that another £68 to tax it, and I'm seriously skint! Really need to find a new full time job, pronto, or miraculously sell a load of my jewellery. Which i don't think will happen! I'm now snatching a bit of time to blog with a cup of tea and a bit of TV, before i go and get my car retested at 4pm. Thankfully, after that, that will be the end of the car expense for another year. I'm planning to move in with my friend when she goes to uni in September, so if i can get a job close enough to our house, i might dispense with a car all together. I know i love having the freedom of a car, but i think having more money will be more important when i move out!

After i got my tyres replaced, i ''popped'' into the brand new massive Tesco near the tyre place. ''Popped'' being an overly optimistic term to describe the process of visiting this monstrous venue. I only wanted some WKD Core cider (like Appletiser but alcoholic - delish!) but i got sucked into the gigantic aisle upon aisle of crap that i don't need for for some reason i found myself wanting. Camping stuff, gardening stuff, kids toys (i love kids toys... completely lost on kids, they don't appreciate them!), so i ended up wandering around, completely dazed, realising that if i made a wrong turn somewhere, it was a massive trek to get back to where i wanted to be. Crazy. Who needs that much choice in a shopping experience? Most people that i saw were just fatties loading up with bread, milk, sweets and processed frozen meat products. They weren't interested in the exotic fruit section or the whole aisle devoted to shower gel. Madness. Though even after all that choice, it didn't do me much good. Yes, they had WKD Core, and a large selection of other bottled ciders, but not my favourite, St Helier Pear Cider. Oooooh, its like drinking nectar!

My mum is starting to get annoyed with Frankie. Although she is slowly learning what is acceptable behaviour, she still sometimes makes mistakes because she is a little puppy, and i challenge you to find a toddler that is perfectly behaved with full control of it's bowels. Most of the time though, when she does something wrong, like running off with something she isn't supposed to, my mum just shouts at her and yells 'No!' a lot. Which never works. She then says she needs training and is badly behaved. Strange, when i tell her to do stuff in a way she understands, she mostly does it. True, she does like to run off with something new and chew it, so the only way to distract her and get her to drop it is to get her attention with a treat, and then give her the treat when she drops what she has got. Simple. She doesn't understand English, so why would she respond to the confusing mass of commands my mum gives her? I mean, she has learned so much already, like going to the toilet outside (with the occasional accident when no one lets her out), sleeping in her crate, fetching, waiting for her food til i tell her she can have it, leaving a treat on the floor til i tell her she can have it, plus lots of other behaviours that make life much easier. But because she isn't a robot, my mum gets annoyed with her. Ho hum, will be moving out in the Autumn!

Gonna go now and get this car retested! Then that will be that!

Lots of things in the Pipeline

I didn't keep up my pledge of more posts did i? I think it's been due to sadness based lethargy rather than not having any time. But, hopefully, now the weather is gradually picking up, I've only got a couple more weeks left at my job, I've lost a stone (only another stone to go!) and i've started to get a bit more inspired with my art and jewellery, I'll start getting back to my cheery self.

Just given Frankie a bath, which she didn't agree with!! Though i took her on a muddy walk today and now she smells of aloe vera, so much nicer all round. Tomorrow I'm finishing my first attempt at a locket, which will (with luck) form a basis for my future career in locket making! I've got loads of ideas, and will work my way through them, and people shall buy them in awe! (that last bit is debatable). I'm also going to focus on my painting a bit more, and I'm going to try and find a full time job with a view to finally move out. So lots of options as to which direction my life is going to go in, and absolutely no time to mope about being single. Tomorrow i promise a pic of a nice shiny locket!!

A pretty standard day today, save for three occourances that happened within seconds of each other. Very surreal.I took Frankie to town today, because i had to pick up some fishnet tights for tonight (am going to see The Rocky Horror Show tonight - woooo!) and as usual there was a wave of people saying ''that dog is sooooo cute'' as i walked around. A few people even stopped me so they could have a fuss of her. Then, as i was heading back to the car, a small man ran after me and said ''Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you...''. Ah, i thought, a gay man wanting to fuss the dog. (Seriously, the only men that make a fuss of the dog are clearly gay). But then he said ''I'm sorry to stop you, but I think you are really adorable.'' LOL! I thought he meant the dog at first, but no, he meant me. Hahaha it brightened my outing! Then, as i was walking back to the car, i walked past Mini Bouncer, who looked like a small Mafia member, dressed all in black and in sunglasses, and while i was still chuckling at that, i walked into my friend, who was walking about ten feet behind the Mini B, frantically ringing me to tell me that she was walking behind him. Brilliantly random all round!

Having a bad toilet training day with Frankie, as she hasn't done one poo outside today. She did one in her crate at about 1am, and then even though i have been taking her outside all day, she has been witing til my back is turned and done them in the house. Little terror.

Anyway, my sad news while i have been absent from the blog world is that me and J have split up. It wasn't because of any wrong-doing on either part, and i really hope we will stay friends, it's just that i really don't want any children, and he does. It's just one of those things where neither party can be talked around. Ho hum. Obviously i'm gutted, as i love him, but theres no point in staying together because the longer we do, the harder it would be to seperate. Sad times.

But in the interest of not getting melencholic, here's some cute pics of the Frankmeister!

I am alive!!

hey everyone, i bet everyone has completely forgotten about ole Pigeon! I've mostly been working and looking after Frankie. It's like having a little child that can't be left alone for two minutes, and when she does go to sleep, it's usually on me so i can't do anything, so i usually try and catch a few winks at the same time. And anyway, my computer is squirrelled away in my room, so i have to leave her downstairs. But my dad has just bought me a netbook for my birthday(a few weeks early) so it will be easier to steal time on the net, cuz i can just whip it out! Like now, Frankie has just been giddy all afternoon, and just flopped on my knee, but both she and the netbook are so titchy they can both fit on my knee at the same time. Genius!

I'm toilet training her at the moment and after a few days of spending most of the day outside in the cold, waiting for her to get the message that she has to go outside before she can come inside, she seems to have got the idea. She now goes pretty much as soon as i take her out, so she knows that she needs to go outside, but she still doesn't hesitate to go in the house if she needs to. But as long as we watch her all the time and take her out regularly, the accidents are getting less frequent. Exhausting, but i'm sure it will pay off and she'll get there eventually. Other than that, she's great. She's fun to walk cuz she stays to heel when she's off the lead, though as she gets more confidant she has started running off further and further, so i'm trying to train her out of that before it becomes a habit. She's mastered 'sit' and come when i call her most of the time. She's still defiant and cheeky and puppyish, so even though she knows she's not supposed to chew my best boots, she still runs off with them with a mischievous glint in her eye!

So yeah, just checking back in, will do a more detailed post tomorrow, perhaps with cute Frankie pics!!

A Heads Up

Just so you know why I have been absent from the blog world recently, here is the reason;

Her name is Frankie, and she's the new love of my life. She is also very needy at this age! Though I'm convinced she is a genius, as she mastered 'fetch' within hours of being home, and she already responds to 'Come!'. Some of the time.

*massive grin!!!*

Away with you, Snow....

Greetings Pigeon Watchers*, We have finally got rid of the snow! We've had a good old fashioned rain, and now the sun is peeking through! Lovely! Though you wouldn't believe how much stuff is uncovered when the snow melts, our road is littered with all kinds of crap. Though I have finally had chance to clear all the stuff out of my car, and have found half a bottle of vodka under the seat, which i have no idea when i bought it. Or indeed drank half of it and then placed it under my car seat. Such is the nature of vodka.

My mum has confirmed that i can get a dachsie! Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! Mega exciting!! There are a few in the local paper, but thinking about it, if i went and got one today it would have nowhere to sleep etc, so I'm going to spend a while getting stuff together for it, researching what vaccinations etc puppies need and when, and of course, saving up the cash to buy one (£500 dachshunds are going for... jeez. Though not as much as bulldogs, have seen ads for them for £2000. Insanity). Then, when I'm all prepared, I can start looking for one. Eeeeep, so exciting!

I've also lost a further 4lb since i was last in the blog world, so one more pound and that's half a pesky stone gone! But after the first half stone is when it seems to halt, so I'll have to go and do some working out down at the gym *shudder*.

All this so I can fit into my sexy black jeans.

And the rest of my nice clothes. At the moment I'm living in about two pairs of jeans and large cuddly jumpers and hoodies. Though that may have something to do with the freezing weather.

Anyway, t'ra for now, am off to look at factual websites about dogs and order a training manual. And try not to look at pics of ickle puppies...

*To those of you that haven't seen Where's Wally, i apologise for the random reference. I also commiserate all you Americans that called him Waldo, and never got to snigger when the narrator said ''Greetings, Wally Watchers!'', cuz we all knew he was gagging to say 'willy watchers' instead.

Nice Weather For Penguins....

Ah, so it's a brand spangly new year then? And apparently we have gone back to an ice age. I think when Dr Who regenerated, he knocked a switch in the Tardis that made the real world revert back to a pre-historic time of snow and ice. I expect to see a mammoth plodding round the corner at any moment.

I have no real excuse for my absence from the blog world, other than the cold is terribly tiring and I've been sorting out my room to get my new bed in. I finally got it delivered yesterday, and put it up and now my room:bed ratio is defiantly leaning towards the bed side of things. It's giant! But very comfy. It means I have to be extra tidy otherwise the debris in my room will just cause a land slip and I shall be forever mummified in a pile of DVDs, cuddly penguins and art based materials. That will be one for the archaeologists of the future to ponder.

But yeah, the main news is this bloody snow. At first, it was exciting, I wrangled Xmas Eve off work because I was snowed in, and I was marvelling at the prettiness, and built another snowpenguin

but now it's not even funny. I haven't seen J since New Years Day, because at first he was snowed in, and now everything has frozen so even though he managed to get to work today, he can't come to mine because all of the roads in my town are sheet ice. I still reckon it's punishment because of people complaining that it's too hot when we get nice weather in summer. Heathen bastards.

In other news, my mum might actually let me get a puppy! I've always said that I'd like to get a rescue dog, but looking at all the rescue sites, most of the dogs are staffies, alsatians and other big or bulldog type breeds. So i know I'm probably feeding the industry of puppy farms and the like, but I'd rather get a dachshund puppy. I've wanted one for years. I don't want to just get a random dog just because I finally can. This may sound bad, but hey ho...... to the Ad-Mag...

I'm also back on the ole diet again, started yesterday. I put on my half stone again, but weirdly, no matter what i eat, I don't tend to go over 11st. Which is all very well, I have a weight that i can stick at and eat what I want, but i don't really want a huge arse as well, so, it's back to the salad. Yay. And I've got a bit of a sore throat and cold coming on, so all I want is comfort food, especially in this freezing wasteland! But I will persevere! I've lost 2lb already, c'mon!

For no reason at all, here's a very cute pic of a dachshund puppy

Day... oh, balls to it!

Yeah, the diet has completely gone schmeckles up, as i have spent since Friday night eating whatever was wandered across my path. As a result I have horrendous indigestion and what can only be food octuplets in my tumbly. It started with having some fired rice from the Chinese after the pub on Friday night, and snowballed into eating masses of gingerbread (might account for the heartburn) cuz my mum is on an epic gingerbread house making marathon. I've also managed to eat much cheese and other calorific products, but balls to it, Diet can start again after Krimble when people aren't trying to pour food down my neck at every juncture. I daren't weight myself though. I may weep.

But onto more cheery things! My Santa Paws gift has arrived! Check it out!

A million thank yous to my Santa Paws Gift Giver!! I opened my package this morning and I was like ''Oh my god! It's Don't Let The Pigeon Drive The Bus!!'' *faints with glee* I have been obsessed with this pigeon ever since I found Pigeon Wants a Hot Dog in a library (yes, I browse the childrens books....what of it?) and cracked up at the pigeon having a massive tantrum because another bird won't share a hot dog with him. I have since been scouring bookshops for any of Mo Willems Pigeon books, but with no luck. AND ONE JUST APPEARED!! *Clutches book and cuddly pigeon and rocks back and forth in hysteria*

Added to that, there is some Hanukkah chocolate coins (mmmmmmm!) and a Santa Pez dispenser with many Pez to put in it! I don't think I have had Pez before (I'm weirdly backward about some things), but when i was a child we used to have very similar sweets called Tabs, which used to fit in Pez dispensers, but i don't think they were called 'Pez' Dispensers, just a random generic name... I shall be venturing forth into the unknown world of the Pez!

And, saving the best for last, there were some exquisite hand crocheted snowflakes:

How absolutely gorgeous are they??? They are far too nice to only display at Christmas, I think they will be permanently hung up in my room. They are so detailed and intricate, they are like lace. Beautiful. A massive thank you to my Santa Paws Sender, and your very talented wife for the snowflakes, I hope you all have a fantastic Christmas!

In other news, I have finally put the Christmas tree up, though that's about if for the Krimble decs, as the house is still in mid-redecorate, with exposed floorboards and everything. Also, in the last day or so, the snow has visited Pigeon Towers with vigour! We might even have the first white Christmas for years! I'm sure I was about 5 the last time that happened. Of course, my best chum and I took full advantage of the snow, and embarked upon a snowpenguin creating mission!

Upon starting the mission, we discovered that the snow wasn't the really good, packing variety that is essential for building, but the really fine powdery kind that is good for looking pretty, soaking through shoes and gloves, buggering up innocent mid-twenties girls attempts to construct cute penguins, and not much else! But we were not to be put off, and so after taking about four times longer than it should have, we proudly completed our family:

The Daddy Penguin is called Trevor, and he is wearing my train driver-esque furry hat, Frou-Frou is the mummy penguin, and she is wearing a beret and what looks like two monocles, and baby peng is Penny, and she is wearing an anime cat hat. Well worth numb fingers and frozen toes!

I have also just finished making J's Krimbaloid pressie, which turned out to be a bit of an epic struggle, as i had loads of rivets to do and they just refused to work. I eventually made them behave and it's all done now! I'll put pics up at some point when I have actually taken some....

All in all, a most fabulous day! I shall now retire to my bed, where I have been so cold these last few nights that I have had to put a microwaved wheat bag on my already-usually-freezing-cold,-but-in-this-weather-there-is-a-very-real-chance-of-frostbite-as-they-get-so-cold-they-keep-me-awake-with-pain feet. Wish I could mircowave my whole bed!

Day Eighteen

Exciting times kids! Got a special package from Ms Stinkypaw, and obviously I don' t have the willpower to wait til Xmas, so I got stuck in. Check out the stuff!

The cutest ever dachshund, with his own bone in his back pocket! Oh yeah, that's right, he has a back pocket! Some hot chocolate that definitely won't survive til Xmas with this sudden cold snap that we are having (I tell you, I haven't felt my feet in about three days, it's so cold) and in some kind of psychic marvellousness, some maple spread, which I am looking forward to trying on toast! Why psychic? I hear you ask. Well, because today is none other than Maple Syrup Day. Stinkypaw, thank you very much, you are the most fabulous blend, I salute you!

In other news, just spent ages in my workshop trying to rivet something on J's Xmas present that really did not want to be riveted. Blasted thing! Thankfully i finally figured it out, but i was in there til 10pm. Added to that it's started snowing here, and its extremely freezing. Gah, I only want snow when it gets me out of going to work and I can build a snowman/penguin and then come inside to a toasty house, and have a hot cup of tea, eat to toasty, er, toast, and get snuggled up with my favourite young man on a sofa under a duvet and watch films/TV. Mmmmm, sounds like a feverish fantasy.... perhaps one day....

My metabolism boost worked! I skimmed past that pesky pound that i was stuck on with ease this morning! Though now I'm a bit worried because I had a salad for dinner, but then after being cold all day and all evening in my shed, I ate some stew that my mum had left in the kitchen, including a fair few potatoes. Curses you cold weather! Curses! Maybe I have used many calories keeping warm. Last night I couldn't sleep because my feet were so cold. Then this morning I woke up and discovered I could hardly move my shoulder without stabs of pain running down my back, up my neck and arm. It seems to have eased a bit now, but not much. I blame the cold. Bad cold! Will leave all my lights and electrical appliances on tonight in a last ditch attempt to hurry along global warming and make it 20 degrees Celsius tomorrow.

Day Seventeen

Where is everyone in Blogsville? Not many posts flying about on my feed.... I demand anecdotes, goddammit!

So, today seems to be a national holiday sent from heaven. It is, ladies and gents, National Chocolate Covered Anything Day:

Kind of obvious where my mind went first. Johnny Depp in Chocolat....Johnny Depp in a Chocolate Factory....But criminally, no Johnny Depp actually covered in chocolate. Grr. Google threw up images of women covered in chocolate, but who the hell wants a chocolate covered woman?? Surely women are more obsessed with chocolate than men, ergo, a chocolate covered man would be a more sensible product. I digress....

Apart from the normal chocolate covered things like caramel etc, I particularly like chocolate covered pretzels,

God damn Nestle for stopping selling Pretzel Flipz in this country! They were sooooo delish. Mmmm white fudge.....

Another of my favourites is chocolate covered coffee beans. Crunchy and chocolaty, and a massive sugar and caffeine hit. Gorgeous. Sadly I have trouble getting hold of them, as the only place i know that sells them is Cafe Nero in little tiny boxes.

Onto the more bizarre world of chocolate covered guffery, If you are feeling a bit carnivorous, but also fancy a bit of chocolate, why not try Chocolate Covered Crickets?

Or if that's a bit odd, how about chocolate covered bacon?Or if you are totally mental and find that you like a snack while driving, you could plump for the chocolate covered car, for all your chocolate transport needs.Mmmmm, Chocolaty.

In other, non-chocolate news, I bought my bed! I went momentarily insane and bought a kingsize one of these, regardless of whether it will actually fit in my room.

Nice though. The salesman was called Nigel, and he was a nice chap. Though he did tell me two scary facts about spiders (we were chatting about other nonsense than beds):

1. On average, you have a spider on your bed every 48 hours

2. 5% of all spiders in your house are brought in on your person, like on clothes or bags.

I nearly fainted. I suppose its OK with money spiders, but the thought of a massive monstrous house spider clinging to me is nearly too much to cope with without a panic attack. *shudders*

Day Sixteen

Well, i apologise for missing yesterday, and the very important holiday that is National Bouillabaisse Day. Of course, I had to look up what bouillabaisse is, and it was a very educational experience. At first, it sounded iffy, as it is essentially a fish soup. ''Mmmm,'' i thought. But then i read further, and the utterly bonkers details came out. It consists of scorpionfish, conger and sea robin, but can also include bream, turbot, monkfish, mullet and silver hake. It also has shellfish and other seafoods such as sea urchins, mussels, spider crabs and octopus. It is then boiled with veg such as leeks, onions, tomatoes, celery and potatoes (the most sensible part of the dish) and flavoured with various herbs and spices like garlic, orange peel, basil, bay leaf, fennel and saffron. And to top off this medley of insanity, it is served with a roulle made of olive oil, garlic, saffron and cayenne peppers on ''grilled slices of bread''. Toast, then.

I can just see me being able to pop down to Asda and getting those ingredients....

But it isn't Bouillabaisse Day anymore, it is National Cupcake Day, or as we call them in England, muffins or buns. I couldn't for the life of me find a picture of what I thought was a cupcake, which was the flat brown bun with the curly white icing in a line across the top. Did i just imagine those?? Anyway, in the absence of a picture of that, here's an equally scrumptious looking offering:

Mmmmmmmmm.

Yeah, so, after my eating day, I put two pounds on, but after eating just a salad yesterday, i have lost one of those pounds again. So we will soon see if my metabolism boost worked. Probably Thursday morning. Fingers crossed. I've eaten my salad for dinner today, plus there was a buffet in the main office where i work, so i had a few bits and pieces like a bit of Stilton, some cheese and pickled onion on a stick (so very English and naff), a cheese twist and a couple of other bits. Didn't go mad. V proud.

Going to go and make an exciting purchase tonight. At 24 years old, I am going to go and buy my first double bed. Jesus, put like that, it sounds really sad.... But finally, some room! Woo!

And finally, another brilliantly crap film to keep your eyes peeled for - Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skYRZ_-RXtk&feature=fvw

Day Fourteen

Yes kids, The day we have all been waiting for is finally here! Forget Christmas and New Year! This is the most important holiday of the year, and one that I know you have been preparing for all year. It is, of course, ICE CREAM AND VIOLINS DAY!

How you enjoy your ice cream and violins is up to you. You can enjoy them separately, or at the same time. It's entirely up to you.

My favourite ice cream at the moment is a Magnum Double Caramel, that has a layer of chocolate, then a layer of caramel and then a layer of thicker chocolate round the ice cream. Heaven. Previous favourites have included a Feast, a Zap, and Somerfield's own brand banana and toffee ice cream. Mmmmm.

I can't say that i have a favourite violin, apart from the imaginary one that i play when someone comes to me with a particularly whiny self-pitying story.

I did, however, find a quite horrific and disturbing image when searching for pictures of ice cream. If you have a sensitive nature, look away now:

Danial Craig fashioned in purple ice. How wrong is that? Even wronger is where his hands would be if they finished sculpting them. Weird. Now, I'm not a fan of Danial Craig, but even if i was, I wouldn't find this appealing. I suppose some giggly concept artist somewhere thought it would be fun to be able to lick his torso. Two things wrong with this. Firstly, the coldness would make this similar to licking a corpse, and i don't think anyone save from the most hardened fetishist would be looking for that in a refreshing summer treat, and secondly, yeah, you would get to lick his torso, but a tiny miniature version that has no legs with a stick shoved up his arse, that would eventually blunt down til you are licking what looks like a severely disabled burns victim, and at some point you will end up with a headless torso. At this stage, it seems more like a voodoo doll fashioned in ice. Hard to see whether it should be marketed towards people that love Danial Craig, or hate him. Just weird all round.

Boring bit now. Diet update. After sticking at the same weight for about three days despite eating only salad, I'm trying something that has weirdly worked in the past - Eating a lot for a day. I suppose it boosts the metabolism for a bit. Was going to go out last night and get a takeaway after, but J had a random relapse of his bad back, poor chickie, so we just went down to the pub for a couple of pints. The plan was that we would get back and order a pizza, but when we got back and rang the pizza delivery, they told us that they had stopped delivering 20 mins ago. Feckers. So in the end we fashioned a snack of cheesy garlic bread out of two frozen garlic bread baguettes and some Stilton. Mmmm. Then this morning we has bacon and eggs on toast, then I've had a sandwich for dinner, some spaghetti bolognaise for tea, plus a couple of chocolate bars. Am utterly stuffed now. Probably shouldn't have eaten quite so much, but hey ho. The next big meal is Xmas! Diet again tomorrow..... Might even go mad and start doing some exercise. I know, I'm that crazy.

Day Twelve

Today, kids, it's National Noodle Ring Day. I knew that would get you excited. Now to save you running off to find out what the hell a noodle ring is, I have kindly found out for you. It is this:

I'm still confused.

Weird day at work today. Although I was dreading going in, I actually had a good day because I had jobs that needed doing all day and I didn't have to pretend to look busy. It's not that I'm workshy, I just like to feel that I'm making some kind of contribution to the day, and that the things I do are actually worthwhile. Then i accidentally whacked my boss over the head with a plastic box. Spose I had to do something retarded or it just wouldn't be me....

Have managed to get all my Krimble pressies wrapped and ready to go! My room is like a sparkly silver Santa's grotto. Just got to make a few gifts on Sunday and either Monday or Wednesday, and I'm an incredibly smug organised person! Still, I haven't got any of the festive things done that I wanted to do in December, like make gingerbread, or make little gingerbread men tree decorations out of Sculpey. Haven't even put the tree up yet because we are redecorating, and the living room is a jumble of floorboards, dining chairs and other miscellaneous detritus. Boo. Want to get the twinkly lights up! Hardly seems worth putting them up for a week then taking them down again. Ho Hum.

Advent Calender Update; Wednesday was a robin sat on a log, Thursday was a lamb, and today was a toy car. Really weird items, no wonder I haven't got any right yet! Fingers crossed though!

Still on the salad diet, but I think I've hit a bit of a plateau with the weight loss. But never mind, I will persevere!

Day Eleven

Today's national holiday seems to be mocking me in my current hungover state, for it is National Lager Day

I've never been a fan of lager, so i cannot give a full rounded view of the lager world, other to say that I'm glad I don't have to find another picture that makes me very hungry. In fact, I'm feeling a bit of love towards that picture of Stella, as i don't want it and probably never will. Thank you, Ms Artois.

So yeah, my hungover state. As you may recall, it was my friend's birthday yesterday, and as planned, we went out, made merry and watched people murder rock songs. Then it all went a bit pear-shaped. I had four double vodka and diet cokes, and those on top of a week of salad made me very drunk very quickly. In our inebriation we decided to go to a club, and ended up queuing for ages in the rain. Then, just as we were about to get in, i threw up, so the bouncers wouldn't let us in, and we had to get a taxi home. And on the way home i had to get the taxi to stop so i could throw up again. I think i totally screwed up the night.

Then, this morning, I just couldn't face going into work, hungover, and be made to feel like a cretin all day, so my Ma phoned in sick for me. So I'm going to wrap all my xmas pressies in a bit, and do some washing. And try not to think about going to work tomorrow.