Day... oh, balls to it!

Yeah, the diet has completely gone schmeckles up, as i have spent since Friday night eating whatever was wandered across my path. As a result I have horrendous indigestion and what can only be food octuplets in my tumbly. It started with having some fired rice from the Chinese after the pub on Friday night, and snowballed into eating masses of gingerbread (might account for the heartburn) cuz my mum is on an epic gingerbread house making marathon. I've also managed to eat much cheese and other calorific products, but balls to it, Diet can start again after Krimble when people aren't trying to pour food down my neck at every juncture. I daren't weight myself though. I may weep.

But onto more cheery things! My Santa Paws gift has arrived! Check it out!

A million thank yous to my Santa Paws Gift Giver!! I opened my package this morning and I was like ''Oh my god! It's Don't Let The Pigeon Drive The Bus!!'' *faints with glee* I have been obsessed with this pigeon ever since I found Pigeon Wants a Hot Dog in a library (yes, I browse the childrens books....what of it?) and cracked up at the pigeon having a massive tantrum because another bird won't share a hot dog with him. I have since been scouring bookshops for any of Mo Willems Pigeon books, but with no luck. AND ONE JUST APPEARED!! *Clutches book and cuddly pigeon and rocks back and forth in hysteria*

Added to that, there is some Hanukkah chocolate coins (mmmmmmm!) and a Santa Pez dispenser with many Pez to put in it! I don't think I have had Pez before (I'm weirdly backward about some things), but when i was a child we used to have very similar sweets called Tabs, which used to fit in Pez dispensers, but i don't think they were called 'Pez' Dispensers, just a random generic name... I shall be venturing forth into the unknown world of the Pez!

And, saving the best for last, there were some exquisite hand crocheted snowflakes:

How absolutely gorgeous are they??? They are far too nice to only display at Christmas, I think they will be permanently hung up in my room. They are so detailed and intricate, they are like lace. Beautiful. A massive thank you to my Santa Paws Sender, and your very talented wife for the snowflakes, I hope you all have a fantastic Christmas!

In other news, I have finally put the Christmas tree up, though that's about if for the Krimble decs, as the house is still in mid-redecorate, with exposed floorboards and everything. Also, in the last day or so, the snow has visited Pigeon Towers with vigour! We might even have the first white Christmas for years! I'm sure I was about 5 the last time that happened. Of course, my best chum and I took full advantage of the snow, and embarked upon a snowpenguin creating mission!

Upon starting the mission, we discovered that the snow wasn't the really good, packing variety that is essential for building, but the really fine powdery kind that is good for looking pretty, soaking through shoes and gloves, buggering up innocent mid-twenties girls attempts to construct cute penguins, and not much else! But we were not to be put off, and so after taking about four times longer than it should have, we proudly completed our family:

The Daddy Penguin is called Trevor, and he is wearing my train driver-esque furry hat, Frou-Frou is the mummy penguin, and she is wearing a beret and what looks like two monocles, and baby peng is Penny, and she is wearing an anime cat hat. Well worth numb fingers and frozen toes!

I have also just finished making J's Krimbaloid pressie, which turned out to be a bit of an epic struggle, as i had loads of rivets to do and they just refused to work. I eventually made them behave and it's all done now! I'll put pics up at some point when I have actually taken some....

All in all, a most fabulous day! I shall now retire to my bed, where I have been so cold these last few nights that I have had to put a microwaved wheat bag on my already-usually-freezing-cold,-but-in-this-weather-there-is-a-very-real-chance-of-frostbite-as-they-get-so-cold-they-keep-me-awake-with-pain feet. Wish I could mircowave my whole bed!

Day Eighteen

Exciting times kids! Got a special package from Ms Stinkypaw, and obviously I don' t have the willpower to wait til Xmas, so I got stuck in. Check out the stuff!

The cutest ever dachshund, with his own bone in his back pocket! Oh yeah, that's right, he has a back pocket! Some hot chocolate that definitely won't survive til Xmas with this sudden cold snap that we are having (I tell you, I haven't felt my feet in about three days, it's so cold) and in some kind of psychic marvellousness, some maple spread, which I am looking forward to trying on toast! Why psychic? I hear you ask. Well, because today is none other than Maple Syrup Day. Stinkypaw, thank you very much, you are the most fabulous blend, I salute you!

In other news, just spent ages in my workshop trying to rivet something on J's Xmas present that really did not want to be riveted. Blasted thing! Thankfully i finally figured it out, but i was in there til 10pm. Added to that it's started snowing here, and its extremely freezing. Gah, I only want snow when it gets me out of going to work and I can build a snowman/penguin and then come inside to a toasty house, and have a hot cup of tea, eat to toasty, er, toast, and get snuggled up with my favourite young man on a sofa under a duvet and watch films/TV. Mmmmm, sounds like a feverish fantasy.... perhaps one day....

My metabolism boost worked! I skimmed past that pesky pound that i was stuck on with ease this morning! Though now I'm a bit worried because I had a salad for dinner, but then after being cold all day and all evening in my shed, I ate some stew that my mum had left in the kitchen, including a fair few potatoes. Curses you cold weather! Curses! Maybe I have used many calories keeping warm. Last night I couldn't sleep because my feet were so cold. Then this morning I woke up and discovered I could hardly move my shoulder without stabs of pain running down my back, up my neck and arm. It seems to have eased a bit now, but not much. I blame the cold. Bad cold! Will leave all my lights and electrical appliances on tonight in a last ditch attempt to hurry along global warming and make it 20 degrees Celsius tomorrow.

Day Seventeen

Where is everyone in Blogsville? Not many posts flying about on my feed.... I demand anecdotes, goddammit!

So, today seems to be a national holiday sent from heaven. It is, ladies and gents, National Chocolate Covered Anything Day:

Kind of obvious where my mind went first. Johnny Depp in Chocolat....Johnny Depp in a Chocolate Factory....But criminally, no Johnny Depp actually covered in chocolate. Grr. Google threw up images of women covered in chocolate, but who the hell wants a chocolate covered woman?? Surely women are more obsessed with chocolate than men, ergo, a chocolate covered man would be a more sensible product. I digress....

Apart from the normal chocolate covered things like caramel etc, I particularly like chocolate covered pretzels,

God damn Nestle for stopping selling Pretzel Flipz in this country! They were sooooo delish. Mmmm white fudge.....

Another of my favourites is chocolate covered coffee beans. Crunchy and chocolaty, and a massive sugar and caffeine hit. Gorgeous. Sadly I have trouble getting hold of them, as the only place i know that sells them is Cafe Nero in little tiny boxes.

Onto the more bizarre world of chocolate covered guffery, If you are feeling a bit carnivorous, but also fancy a bit of chocolate, why not try Chocolate Covered Crickets?

Or if that's a bit odd, how about chocolate covered bacon?Or if you are totally mental and find that you like a snack while driving, you could plump for the chocolate covered car, for all your chocolate transport needs.Mmmmm, Chocolaty.

In other, non-chocolate news, I bought my bed! I went momentarily insane and bought a kingsize one of these, regardless of whether it will actually fit in my room.

Nice though. The salesman was called Nigel, and he was a nice chap. Though he did tell me two scary facts about spiders (we were chatting about other nonsense than beds):

1. On average, you have a spider on your bed every 48 hours

2. 5% of all spiders in your house are brought in on your person, like on clothes or bags.

I nearly fainted. I suppose its OK with money spiders, but the thought of a massive monstrous house spider clinging to me is nearly too much to cope with without a panic attack. *shudders*

Day Sixteen

Well, i apologise for missing yesterday, and the very important holiday that is National Bouillabaisse Day. Of course, I had to look up what bouillabaisse is, and it was a very educational experience. At first, it sounded iffy, as it is essentially a fish soup. ''Mmmm,'' i thought. But then i read further, and the utterly bonkers details came out. It consists of scorpionfish, conger and sea robin, but can also include bream, turbot, monkfish, mullet and silver hake. It also has shellfish and other seafoods such as sea urchins, mussels, spider crabs and octopus. It is then boiled with veg such as leeks, onions, tomatoes, celery and potatoes (the most sensible part of the dish) and flavoured with various herbs and spices like garlic, orange peel, basil, bay leaf, fennel and saffron. And to top off this medley of insanity, it is served with a roulle made of olive oil, garlic, saffron and cayenne peppers on ''grilled slices of bread''. Toast, then.

I can just see me being able to pop down to Asda and getting those ingredients....

But it isn't Bouillabaisse Day anymore, it is National Cupcake Day, or as we call them in England, muffins or buns. I couldn't for the life of me find a picture of what I thought was a cupcake, which was the flat brown bun with the curly white icing in a line across the top. Did i just imagine those?? Anyway, in the absence of a picture of that, here's an equally scrumptious looking offering:

Mmmmmmmmm.

Yeah, so, after my eating day, I put two pounds on, but after eating just a salad yesterday, i have lost one of those pounds again. So we will soon see if my metabolism boost worked. Probably Thursday morning. Fingers crossed. I've eaten my salad for dinner today, plus there was a buffet in the main office where i work, so i had a few bits and pieces like a bit of Stilton, some cheese and pickled onion on a stick (so very English and naff), a cheese twist and a couple of other bits. Didn't go mad. V proud.

Going to go and make an exciting purchase tonight. At 24 years old, I am going to go and buy my first double bed. Jesus, put like that, it sounds really sad.... But finally, some room! Woo!

And finally, another brilliantly crap film to keep your eyes peeled for - Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skYRZ_-RXtk&feature=fvw

Day Fourteen

Yes kids, The day we have all been waiting for is finally here! Forget Christmas and New Year! This is the most important holiday of the year, and one that I know you have been preparing for all year. It is, of course, ICE CREAM AND VIOLINS DAY!

How you enjoy your ice cream and violins is up to you. You can enjoy them separately, or at the same time. It's entirely up to you.

My favourite ice cream at the moment is a Magnum Double Caramel, that has a layer of chocolate, then a layer of caramel and then a layer of thicker chocolate round the ice cream. Heaven. Previous favourites have included a Feast, a Zap, and Somerfield's own brand banana and toffee ice cream. Mmmmm.

I can't say that i have a favourite violin, apart from the imaginary one that i play when someone comes to me with a particularly whiny self-pitying story.

I did, however, find a quite horrific and disturbing image when searching for pictures of ice cream. If you have a sensitive nature, look away now:

Danial Craig fashioned in purple ice. How wrong is that? Even wronger is where his hands would be if they finished sculpting them. Weird. Now, I'm not a fan of Danial Craig, but even if i was, I wouldn't find this appealing. I suppose some giggly concept artist somewhere thought it would be fun to be able to lick his torso. Two things wrong with this. Firstly, the coldness would make this similar to licking a corpse, and i don't think anyone save from the most hardened fetishist would be looking for that in a refreshing summer treat, and secondly, yeah, you would get to lick his torso, but a tiny miniature version that has no legs with a stick shoved up his arse, that would eventually blunt down til you are licking what looks like a severely disabled burns victim, and at some point you will end up with a headless torso. At this stage, it seems more like a voodoo doll fashioned in ice. Hard to see whether it should be marketed towards people that love Danial Craig, or hate him. Just weird all round.

Boring bit now. Diet update. After sticking at the same weight for about three days despite eating only salad, I'm trying something that has weirdly worked in the past - Eating a lot for a day. I suppose it boosts the metabolism for a bit. Was going to go out last night and get a takeaway after, but J had a random relapse of his bad back, poor chickie, so we just went down to the pub for a couple of pints. The plan was that we would get back and order a pizza, but when we got back and rang the pizza delivery, they told us that they had stopped delivering 20 mins ago. Feckers. So in the end we fashioned a snack of cheesy garlic bread out of two frozen garlic bread baguettes and some Stilton. Mmmm. Then this morning we has bacon and eggs on toast, then I've had a sandwich for dinner, some spaghetti bolognaise for tea, plus a couple of chocolate bars. Am utterly stuffed now. Probably shouldn't have eaten quite so much, but hey ho. The next big meal is Xmas! Diet again tomorrow..... Might even go mad and start doing some exercise. I know, I'm that crazy.

Day Twelve

Today, kids, it's National Noodle Ring Day. I knew that would get you excited. Now to save you running off to find out what the hell a noodle ring is, I have kindly found out for you. It is this:

I'm still confused.

Weird day at work today. Although I was dreading going in, I actually had a good day because I had jobs that needed doing all day and I didn't have to pretend to look busy. It's not that I'm workshy, I just like to feel that I'm making some kind of contribution to the day, and that the things I do are actually worthwhile. Then i accidentally whacked my boss over the head with a plastic box. Spose I had to do something retarded or it just wouldn't be me....

Have managed to get all my Krimble pressies wrapped and ready to go! My room is like a sparkly silver Santa's grotto. Just got to make a few gifts on Sunday and either Monday or Wednesday, and I'm an incredibly smug organised person! Still, I haven't got any of the festive things done that I wanted to do in December, like make gingerbread, or make little gingerbread men tree decorations out of Sculpey. Haven't even put the tree up yet because we are redecorating, and the living room is a jumble of floorboards, dining chairs and other miscellaneous detritus. Boo. Want to get the twinkly lights up! Hardly seems worth putting them up for a week then taking them down again. Ho Hum.

Advent Calender Update; Wednesday was a robin sat on a log, Thursday was a lamb, and today was a toy car. Really weird items, no wonder I haven't got any right yet! Fingers crossed though!

Still on the salad diet, but I think I've hit a bit of a plateau with the weight loss. But never mind, I will persevere!

Day Eleven

Today's national holiday seems to be mocking me in my current hungover state, for it is National Lager Day

I've never been a fan of lager, so i cannot give a full rounded view of the lager world, other to say that I'm glad I don't have to find another picture that makes me very hungry. In fact, I'm feeling a bit of love towards that picture of Stella, as i don't want it and probably never will. Thank you, Ms Artois.

So yeah, my hungover state. As you may recall, it was my friend's birthday yesterday, and as planned, we went out, made merry and watched people murder rock songs. Then it all went a bit pear-shaped. I had four double vodka and diet cokes, and those on top of a week of salad made me very drunk very quickly. In our inebriation we decided to go to a club, and ended up queuing for ages in the rain. Then, just as we were about to get in, i threw up, so the bouncers wouldn't let us in, and we had to get a taxi home. And on the way home i had to get the taxi to stop so i could throw up again. I think i totally screwed up the night.

Then, this morning, I just couldn't face going into work, hungover, and be made to feel like a cretin all day, so my Ma phoned in sick for me. So I'm going to wrap all my xmas pressies in a bit, and do some washing. And try not to think about going to work tomorrow.

Day Ten

Merry Pastry Day everyone! As there are many types of pastry, such as filo, choux, shortcrust, flaky and puff pastry, I shall choose a product that uses pastry in the best way possible:

The cheese and onion pasty from Greggs. Mmmmmmm. The only thing better would be a cheese and broccoli pasty from Cooplands. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I suppose that being the Yuletide season I could have chosen a mince pie, but i don't like mince pies. Get off my blog, Mince Pie!!

Had a browse through the list of holidays to see if there is any day i can celebrate with gusto, what with now being a hippy salad eater, and i was pleased to discover Spinach Day (26th March), Salad Month (May), Caesar Salad Day (July 4th, nice Independence Day lunch there) and most delightfully, International No Diet Day (May 6th) and Eat What You Want Day (May 11th). I rather liked Sundae Sunday (Third Sunday in July), Don't Put All Your Eggs In One Omelette Day (July 9th), Beans 'n' Franks Day (July 13th, fantastic, my car Frank can join in!), Grab Some Nuts Day (August 3rd), International Banana Festival (Sept 21st), Mouldy Cheese Day(Oct 9th) and Cook Something Bold and Pungent Day (Nov 9th). Other than that, it seems to be a massive menu of stuff to give you a heart attack by just reading the name of it. My birthday is Eggs Benedict Day and Day of the Mushroom. I don't even know what Eggs Benedict is. That's rubbish. I also hate mushrooms, but i do like how it has been phrased to sound like a cheesy horror film. Nice. Maybe that's what my film should be called!

Advent calender update - Yesterday it was a Toy Soldier. I guessed a stocking. I think the challenge is on with this advent calender, the chocs are really random! Haven't opened today's yet, will keep you posted.

Have already reached my half stone weight loss goal in a mere ten days. I know this was the target for the end of the month, so my salad must be doing the trick! Bearing in mind I'm going to gorge on Xmas day, so I need some cushion room here. Though the first half stone is always the easiest, it's from here that it will get difficult.

It's my best mate's birthday today (Pastry Day, good going!) so tonight we are going to go to a rock bar in town, and laugh at people attempting karaoke to rock songs. Until you've seen some delusional goth attempting a Rage Against the Machine song, you haven't seen the meaning of 'piss your pants funny'.

Spose I'd better go and do some work now. Enjoy the rest of your Pastry Day with your favourite pastry product!

Day Nine

Happy Chocolate Brownie Day!! Mmmmmm, chocolate brownies. I never used to like chocolate brownies, mainly because the first time i had any was in ice cream, and i was expecting something crunchy, and i didn't like the stodginess. So I avoided them until someone bought me a wrapped chocolate brownie, and it felt rude to refuse it, so i ate it, and oh my god, it was lovely! I've clearly been depriving myself all these years! No time to make up for it now, though, I'm thinning.

Brought a salad with me today for dinner at work, but for some reason my mum thought she would order me a cheese and broccoli pasty. Yes, it's my favourite, but she knows I'm on a diet, so what did she think would happen? I'm fed up of her thinking she can advise me on what i can eat, when all she does is say ''You can have this, this is allowed'' while talking about pizza or something. Then she incessantly asks me ''Are you sure you don't want any? Are you sure? Are you sure?'' Seriously, dieting would be so much easier without a crazed mother trying to force food down my throat. She then calls my dieting ''Being silly''.

Mum: ''Do you want any pizza/pasta/insert high calorie food here?''

Me: ''No, I'm alright thanks.''

Mum: ''You aren't being silly again, are you?''

Why don't you just fuckety fuck off?

By the way, I must credit Marius with my current obsession with American Food National Holidays. He mentioned in a recent post about what other holidays were in December other than Krimble, and Ice Cream and Violins Day was one of them. It's still my favourite. Bring on the 13th!! Thanks Marius, for bringing it to our attention!

That picture is making me weep with hunger and desire.

Day Eight

Exciting developments all round today!

Firstly, I'd like to wish everyone a happy National Cotton Candy Day!! Bah, Americans have such better national holidays than us, there's a food one for every day of the year, for a start! I'll be introducing a few of them to you over the coming month. Ironically, in the month that I am dieting. And i can assure you, there is not National Salad Day in December. So, a bit about cotton candy. Of course, over here it's called candyfloss, but seeing as it contains neither cotton nor dental floss, neither nation can claim that their name is 'correct'. Perhaps a place in Central Europe call it 'ColouredFluffySugar' and can claim name accuracy. Probably the Belgians.

Ok, on to other things. I have finally got an advent calender!! WOOOOO! My mum found a Toy Story one somewhere, and so I am extremely over-excited about it. Today I guessed that the chocolate would be a stocking. It was a weird looking shepherd. I didn't mind. I'll get it right at some point! I get to eat the chocolate anyway.

Had a nice weekend going to my chum's house for bowling, a curry and much drinking. Though he lives about an hour and a half away, and it was raining heavily so i was driving slower, and I took a wrong turning somewhere and ended up adding 45 minutes to the journey. There was then a mix up with the bowling cuz they had to start without me and J, but my grumpy mood eventually evaporated when my friend showed me a toy dispenser that had Care Bears in it, so I got three little Care Bears (Wish Bear, Bedtime Bear and Cheer Bear), and then I won the one bowling game me and J played, and then went for our curry. I say curry, everyone else had a curry, I had an omelette cuz i was dieting. Still couldn't finish it, I was very full after just the omelette! No room for the chips! Then we went back to my friends house, got drunk, much merriment was had. Drove back home in the morning a lot faster than we got there!

I have completely dispensed with the hoodia. I just don't need it. Eating two salads a day seems to suppress my hunger enough. In fact, at this point, I'm not hungry at all. Sure, I'd eat a burger if it was put in front of me and i wasn't on a diet etc etc, but that would be because I would really want it, not because I've got hunger pangs. Will hold onto the hoodia in case i need it in the future, ie when I've been eating salad for a month and my body rebels and I need an addition to any willpower, but to be honest, I still don't know if they work or not. Salad alone seems to stop me being hungry. Who knows. Who knows what the nose knows? I don't.

But the main news of today is that I have finished my Krimble shopping! It was such a strange experience finding everything that i wanted, and if i didn't, I easily thought of an alternative. Makes me think that I've got a particularly frustrating day coming up to restore the karma. Or that this day was to make up for loads of recent crappy days. Either way, I'm not complaining. Couple of moments I'd like to share with you though. One, I was waiting behind a bloke at a cash machine, and i don't think he knew i was there, and when he had got his cash, he turned round and saw me and said 'Cheers' like he was thanking me for....what? Not barging him out of the way? Mugging him? Stealing his identity? Weird. Two, I was in the supermarket and I had just bought a load of spirits and wine for xmas gifts, and the total was over £100. I tried to have a chuckle with the the cashier and said ''Well, if only the people I am buying my presents for weren't drinkers! It would be so much cheaper!'' and she just sort of smiled and said ''Well, if you know what they want, you could buy them throughout the year...''. Yes, Cocky Cashier Lady, in a perfect world I could. Wait, scratch that, I could make everyone homemade wine and jam and biscuits and give everyone a lovely Xmas hamper. I could wear a 50's style polka dot dress and an apron and be magical and perfect in every way..... no wait, that's right, I have a job and a life and don't spend my year planning for one single day in December! I thought i was doing pretty well getting everything done for early December, but no, I'm just a cretin! Bitch.

Another thing that was weird about that transaction was that on Friday i bought a bottle of Baileys for my friend for her birthday, and I was asked for ID (I didn't have any on me, but she sold it to me anyway. So the point in asking was....?), whereas today I bought nine bottles of spirits and wine, and i wasn't asked for ID. Apparently I don't look old enough to buy a small bottle of luxury Irish cream liqueur that was the strength of a bottle of wine, but i look old enough to buy enough whiskey and vodka to easily drink myself to death. I suppose I've just got that kind of face....

Anyway, enjoy Cotton Candy Day, and don't eat so much that when you go on the rollercoaster you vomit blue on the geeky kid in front of you.

Day Four; Surprising

Yeah, so, after a day like today I would normally plunge face first into a hot and cheesy bread and meat based meal (get your mind out of the gutter, I know that sounds horrendously wrong!).

First off, it's cold, so I always want a hearty meal to warm my cockles. Second, depressing day at work. Everything I did ended up getting undermined by my boss, like i didn't know what the hell I was doing. Third, a customer stayed an hour and ten minutes after closing time, so i couldn't go home til he finally left (the bosses don't help by not even mentioning that he was keeping the shop open way past closing). So now I'm grumpy. One thing that cheered me up is the fact that a gift i ordered for J has finally arrived, after one from eBay got lost in the post and this thing (something to do with Ireland) could only be bought from people in America. Very weird. I finally got it from a website devoted entirely to Irish souvenirs, based in Ohio. Tres bizarre!

But I had loads of things that i wanted to get done tonight, and now it's quarter to eight, and I don't think they are going to get done til Sunday now. Bloody customer taking up my whole evening! Grrrr.

But yeah, today is surprising because after such a grievous day, I'm not really hungry. All I've eaten is two salads. And when i say salad, I don't mean Caesar salad or something exotic, I mean a bowl of lettuce with a tomato, a bit of cucumber and a slight drizzle of low calorie salad cream, or a blob of Branston Pickle. Just not hungry. And I'm not even taking the hoodia. Had a couple before i went to bed last night to slave off any morning hunger pangs, but not been hungry all day. Maybe it's a cumulative effect of a few days of sporadic hoodia, or my body has got used to eating a couple of salads a day. Either way, I'm not arguing!

Day Three; Unnecessary

Today was quite odd. As i work on Saturdays, I have a day off during the week that counts as my other weekend day. Today was that. I was woken up at quarter to seven by my alarm, and then basked in the warmth of my bed and knowing i didn't have to get out of it, and then promptly went back to sleep and had really weird dreams. I then woke up at ten, dozed for a bit, and then spent til quarter to three watching TV snuggled up in bed. Glorious. Trouble is, i had loads of things pigeonholed to do today, and I haven't done a single one of them. Very bad. After I've written this post i will have to go and do the essential things, like checking on my guinea pigs and other little bits and bobs, but other than that, it's been very unproductive.

As I only woke up at ten and generally started to come into the land of the living at around 12, I didn't have any hoodia, but strangely, I didn't need any because I wasn't hungry anyway. Which was weird cuz all I ate yesterday was a salad for lunch, a salad for tea, a banana and some carrot sticks with hummous (caramelised onion hummous....mmmmmmmmmmmmmm!), so all I've eaten today has been the remainder of the hummous and two bowls of salad. One odd thing about this diet is that I've been craving fresh tomatoes with salt on. Now, I hate tomatoes. Really hate them. Weird.

Day Two; Skepticism

Well, I haven't managed to get hold of an advent calender yet! Missed my Dec 1st morning guessing game! It's ok though, I shall get one on the way home, it's fine... panic averted.

So, am still pretty sceptical about the hoodia, as I'm getting hunger pangs and it's still an hour til lunch. Though only had a bowl of soup, a bread roll, a chocolate hob nob and a salad (lettuce and grated carrot) to eat yesterday, so i think its working by not removing the hunger, but taking the edge off so I'm not ravenous, and also when i do eat, I'm full on less. Just realised I didn't weigh myself yesterday, so I will have no idea if it's working or not. Though part of that might be fear to get on the scales in case I'm so obese I get disheartened and eat a whole pizza out of 'what's-the-point' ness.

My best chum is coming over tonight, and we are continuing with our current evening activity of watching cheesy creature feature films. We have taken a break from our 'Work Our Way Through Johnny Depp's Back Catalogue' mission, mainly because we can't find any of his films that are really cheap (with good reason) but we don't want to spend ten quid on a film if we are going to only watch it once (especially for films like Chocolat and Before Night Falls, where he is in it for about ten seconds, despite his name being on the box!). There are films that I only watched because he was in it, like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, but I got drunk and fell asleep while watching it, and it was the most confusing film I've ever seen, but I'm not going to watch it again just to find out what it was all about.... I was awake when it started, i saw the mad hairstyle, therefore I've seen it godammit! Anyway, I digress. At the moment we are getting through some cheesy creature features, and tonight is the turn of Anaconda 3. It has the added bonus of starring David Hasselhoff, which will be an fantastic treat of naffness! It seems that the Anaconda series has a habit of starring dodgy singers. Anaconda has Jennifer Lopez, Anacondas has Matthew Marsden, and now Anaconda 3 has The Hoff. Don't think 4 has anyone though...shame.

But yeah, we have worked our way through quite a pile of crappy creature films! My favourite so far has to be Shark Attack 3; Megalodon, mainly because of the crap dialogue, John Barrowman's cheesy gayness and this clip;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1nzd0R_OeOc

Genius.

We have also seen Frogs, which is the most ridiculous film ever made. For a start, the frogs were the least menacing creatures in the world, but also, they never actually kill anyone. Someone dies from shooting himself in the leg and then gets crawled on by tarantulas, next person dies because lizards push jars of unconvincing smoking poison off the shelves in a greenhouse, the next one dies after chasing a butterfly, falling in a pool of leeches and then gets bitten by a rattlesnake, next one gets eaten by a crocodile, next one gets bitten by a watersnake and drowns in a comedy way, next one gets killed by a snapping turtle, some others are pecked by birds and then the last person has a heart attack and then some frogs come and sit on his corpse. Wondrous.

Next on the list are Anaconda 3 and 4, Piranha, Komodo and if we can find them, Attack of the Sabretooth:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZkblH8Q22I

and Night of the Lepus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Od92391upY

Bunnies? We need to know how bunnies are scary!! I mean, they can give you a pretty nasty kick, and of course there is the rabbit from the Holy Grail, but come on! Me and my pal think we could make a pretty awesome creature feature... look at what we have come up with so far...

Revenge of the Sea Sponge
Anemone!
Return of the Dead Leaves
Attack of the Yellow Dusters
Caterpillar VS. Ladybird
Day of the Ducks followed by the sequel, Night of the Owl
Killer Slippery Floor
The Mooing
When Doorknobs Go Bad
Land of the Snail

and my two favourites -
Pigeon Apocolypse
Penguins!

Watch out for us at your local cinema. We are going to be huge.